I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
