There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
