i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
