Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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