I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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