I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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