No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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