I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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