Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
