I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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