Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
