she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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