You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
