just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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