I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
