is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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