I can text with my tongue
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
whose parrot is this?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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