I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are the jesus of drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
