i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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