i would punch a child for taco bell
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize