I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
