I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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