Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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