Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize