did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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