there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
