I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize