she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i've created a new STD.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
