you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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