So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
