Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
