Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize