i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
