I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
