After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
