I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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