So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
