Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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