is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
