Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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