she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
