god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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