Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
