I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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