Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
