there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
