Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
