Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
