I cockslap morals
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
