I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The ass gains better be worth it
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