kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
