Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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