Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
