Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
