In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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