We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
