I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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