is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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