I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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