Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
