Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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