i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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