Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
