I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
