Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
